bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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