Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
