I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
