it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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