I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
