New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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