a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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