I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
