It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
