For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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