I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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