Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
