I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
