Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
