I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
