Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
