Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
