I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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