so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
