I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize