Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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