Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
