Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
