I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
