Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize