Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize