see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
