For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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