What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
