I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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