If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize