its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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