Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
