also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You are a genius and a whore.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
