A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
