I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
