everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
