You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize