after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
