I looked at my own cervix.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize