Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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