Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
