I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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