I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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