He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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