Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
