does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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