I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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