with your own penis?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
