if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
