as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
