uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
