just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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