just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
