doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Help. Why am I so naked?
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