obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
worst night to have a conscience
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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