Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
