Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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