Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
