Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
