In the future we'll all be gay
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sponge bath it is.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
