It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
