I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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