tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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