I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
